One Helluva Shot
by Your108thNecromancer
Summary: Just a one-off of shenanigans with my characters and a foreshadowing of a possible spin-off. Will do more if requested. T for now.


Dell sat back in his chair, relaxing mighty fine and dandy, the day was indeed. His sentry was doing some work against those BLU's, sitting atop the rectangular crate close his side, him sitting next to his exit, his dispenser out of the way but easily accessible to his teammates. The BLU Engi, Ace, was having a difficult time getting his stuff set up (mainly due to the sentry), until Dell punched in a program so that it wouldn't target the Engineer with its potent spray of hellfire known as bullets and rockets. Mainly so Dell could chuckle every time Ace got his ass handed to him, before he eventually got help from the BLU Medic, Ted, and managed to make it across to where Dell sat, who still wasn't worried. To his surprise, Ace got his chair out and sat next to him. Ryan heads out the vents without a second glance.

"Mighty fine day, ain't it?" Says the Texan, Dell turning his head a bit.

"Like the Mississippi River is pretty, pardner." The Oklahoman responds with a chuckle, taking a swig from the beer on his armrest.

"Fine as the gravel pits gleaming bright with scrap?"

"I'd actually say more-so fine as a custom made sniper cartridge."

"You got Kennedy a Machina?"

"Nope. Made it."

"That Pierre about to sap my sentry?"

"Is your ass 'bout to be handed to you?"

"Like a steam-eyed cattle." Dell says casually as a dot rests on his forehead.

Pierre laughs to himself, lighting a cigarette, before flicking it off as more smoke appears, disguising as Mumbles before walking around the corner, before he views, in a state as if time had stopped, as a bullet enters _his_ skull, Jackson laughing it up beside Mumbles in his chair. Mumbles checks around with his flamethrower for the spy in case of Dead Ringer tomfoolery, but none was present.

"Bloody spy, never learns to check corners first." Jackson chuckles to himself, leaning back in his chair, and jolting out, falling to the floor, as the intelligence alarm blared loudly, and he looks up from the floor to see if missing, Mumbles heading into the left entryway, missing the BLU scout Syracuse running by. Jackson attempts to get his rifle, but has his head slammed into the ground as Syracuse launches off his head into the hallway, and runs full throttle to avoid the pyro chasing after him, who gives up to help Jackson.

Syracuse runs as fast he can as he hears a loud cry from behind him, trying to avoid the cold metal of Ryan's Eyelander, joined up by the belligerent war cry of Arizona, covering tons of ground as he rocket jumps, ready to cave in Syracuse's skull with a good ol' Market Gardner, and luckily for Syracuse, as they catch up to him, they ran into each other and neither hits Syracuse, but each other, leaving Ryan with a shovel in his face an Arizona without a head from two clean, Critical hits. He breathes a sigh of relief, running towards the stairway entrance, and as the door rises, he falls to the floor dead, knife piercing the briefcase on his back, as Jacquell chuckles, tossing it hard to his staircase, Patrick running in to pick it up, saluting to Jacquell, who cloaks away after realizing his knife is still in the briefcase.

Meanwhile, Bronx is clearing the way for a respawned Dell, making his way to the enemy vents, clubbing Ted, the BLU Medic, with a Boston Basher as he enters the vents, checking the corner before going in further. Dell soon follows after that, building a teleporter and after that, a dispenser. Bronx, meanwhile, shoots Kennedy, who was checking the vents for him. Unfortunately, Muffles, the enemy pyro, was smarter. Even more unfortunate, he was a dead shot with his detonator, and shot it around the corner and detonated right where Bronx was, blowing off an arm and burning him severely, sending him to the dispenser (which somehow helped him regrow his arm), while Dell starts on his sentry.

Ryan and Arizona peek tentatively around the corner of the Intelligence room, seeing a sentry and ducking back. Dexter was healing them, but getting this far required his uber, so they couldn't rush in just yet.

"Aye, where's our snake?"

"Jacquell? Huh...eating croutons?"

"Right behind you." He speaks, sending the two imbeciles to the floor in surprise, Dexter rolling his eyes.

"Oh, please. This will be easy."

He disguises as Ace, walking in, and readies his sapper, when a familiar FWUMP sound rings out three times, and three quickie stickies stick to Jacquell.

"Aye, lad, yer such a wee snake and a...eh….uhhhhh…." says Jack, the BLU demoman, before he falls asleep, detonating the stickies.

"Ryan! Where's your launcher?" Dexter asks.

Ryan looks to the shield on his arm.

"Uhhhhh...asleep?"

Dexter smacks the back of his head, growling.

"Idiot! Now what can we do?!"

"I got your six!"

Arizona pulls out his Liberty Launcher, to the dismay of Dexter.

"Fine...grrr…."

As Arizona tries to shimmy in front of sentry fire and out, firing at it while Ace repairs it, someone taps Dexter's shoulder.

"Ze healing?" A wounded Dexter asks.

"Yah!" The real Dexter says, about to tell Arizona he was going to stop healing him before realizing, too late, that he hadn't been cloned yet.

"Sally! Where's that healing?"

"Just a moment, dumkopf! I misplaced my medigun…"

"Oooo-kay!"

Ryan's been hanging out this whole time, not seeing anything take place, but out of chance, looks up to see Dexter approaching Arizona with a knife, and readies his eyelander to charge.

"SPYYYYY!" He charges, as Arizona twirls around to shoot the BLU spy with his Launcher, for chance to strike again, and the spy is hit with the shield, launching him, and placing Ryan in Arizona's rocket path, blowing one to bits and the other left with severe damage.

"Ugh...Iyre the one-a da BOTH a ya…."

Elsewhere, the Administrator shook her head in disbelief. Half the mercs were incompetent, an further proven as Syracuse walks right into Jackson's sight range and loses all his grey matter. The other half had no coordination, proven as Ted paid no glance to Jack or Ace as they were getting hammered with heavy fire from a heavy and medic but building uber off the slightly injured teammates in spawn. She had to make this quick...she jams a finger down on her control panel and puts a plug into the "both sides" jack.

"Attention! 60 seconds left in the mission. 60. SECONDS. LEFT. In the mission."

She sits back, watching as all the mercenaries suddenly look towards each other or to where the enemy briefcase is, and start making a run for it. Except for one. Pierre walks out of spawn, and looks dead into the camera for a few moments. He then chuckles and follows the rest of his team, who are locked in an intense firefight. Bullets spray everywhere, as Roslov, the BLU heavy, sprays an lead while Ted uses his Kritz uber, Dexter using a Quick-Fix uber on Arizona and then Patrick. Both sides instinctively turn around as their intelligence is taken, the pyros going into the main entryways and the snipers taking aim, as the scouts exit the vents, throwing a ball (BLU) and cleaver (RED) as they dodge the hailstorm and start making their way to their intel rooms. It was so symmetrical, the battlefield. Except for one thing.

There were no spies.

…

"YOU FAIL! STALEMATE!" Rings out from the speakers, both scouts capping at the same time as the timer runs out, and both teams groan or curse, before simply milling around. Jack and Ryan share a few scrumpies, the soldiers compare home-made medals, and the medics share their horiffic medical "achievements." The others just talk, the pyros speaking about God knows what, the scouts trying to brag about the game's accomplishments, the two heavies speaking of the greatest feats, and the engies/snipers talk up some politics, small moments, and great kills during the match. But still. The spies are missing. Every camera, but nothing. The Administrator clearly can't use sight. Plus, both spies use the cloak and dagger. They could converse coertly. The Administrator puts on sound and connects a speaker jack, tuning into several cameras, before finding one near the RED intel room.

"...can't be simple. Not like that."

"Surveillance I believe. Manipulation? A bit harder."

"It makes perfect sense! Keep us battling forever."

"But why! It serves what purpose?!"

"Money. Why else would this happen? It must be some kind of sport...a game, perhaps. We've never had a timer before."

"Hmph. If you say. We must return. If this really is surveillance for mercenary reasons, our absence will draw attention."

"True. Perhaps we could be given money to keep quiet, hm?"

"What? Preposterous! We'll be kille did we try, I'd assume. Like an American mafia!"

"This IS America, true...either way, we'll have evidence. Put in our wills to observe such evidence if we die. Never let the evidence escape our sights."

"What evidence would that be?"

Jacqueline walks forward and uncloaks, as so he can perform an action.

"I'm certain it'll be sent right to us."

He looks straight into the camera with his good eye before yanking it out, the seemingly covert location no match for such a covert mercenary.

The Administrator snarls and pushes her cigarette into an ash tray, twisting hard. Shrewd feenchman, Helen thinks to herself. She then suddenly smiles, picking up a phone.

"Helen, darling! Finally wanna get back togetha?"

"Can it, Hale. I'll go on a _date_ with you if you help me pull this off."

"Woah woah! This must be a right big deal here."

"I need some weapons, a few good nanocams, and...you."

(Bleh. Insert ambiguity here. Originally planned to end at stalemate but I play too much Versus Saxton Hale. DM108 out.)


End file.
